Flesh and Steel

fleshsteel @ 2007-04-01T14:45:00

2007-04-01T02:47:33Z

I've decided to set this journal to being friends only for a while, because to borrow a phrase from a friend, my life's gone a bit bugshit right now and I need a place to be that way. If you are a friend I will probably let you into the insanity so just drop me a line and hold on for the ride.

Insecurites

2007-03-26T07:32:23Z

X’s been talking to our friend most of the day on MSN whilst I was suppose to be working. That’s the good thing about being my own boss, when I can’t be bothered being all professional I can just shut my door and fart-arse the day away. Of course I will have to pay for that tomorrow.

I started this at work, and now I am home and cooking dinner. I vaguely remember coming home. X and S have been fighting most of the night. There usually is this banter between them but this is worse, they are both really annoyed at each other. They wander off to their world, and then back to the “inbetween” place bitching at each other. From what I understand S decided to make himself and X known on a couple of web communities, X freaked, then responded to someone that wrote to him, then freaked that he had outed himself and well it all ended up in a huge fight between the two of them. The thing about X, in both worlds I know the versions of him, he has a number of insecurities. And they are going full bore at the moment.

It’s good we have our friend to talk to about this, but sometimes I consider therapy. Not because I think of it as some terrible disorder, but now, coming to realise it isn’t all just my imagination, that these are people in their own right, and all that implies. It’s hard to get use to, it’s hard not to feel like a freak. Our fiend (really need to ask them if we can use their name here) says it doesn’t really change much, we have been living this a long time already. But it does sometimes feel like our lives have been turned upside down. The fact though is any therapist or doctor we went to talk to about it would see it as an illness to fix and that I don’t want. I wish I knew some other places that just relying on my friend.

I’ve been in such a blah mood today

fleshsteel @ 2007-03-26T11:40:00

2007-03-25T23:40:49Z

Test although I don't think this has worked. And she told me journalling was easy

fleshsteel @ 2007-03-26T11:31:00

2007-03-25T23:33:15Z

Ok we are now journalling, after a lot of convincing we have taken over this journal and will make it our own. Our friend gave us her old one since she never uses it and no one knows it is here, so she said we shouldn't have any issues with people thinking we are a sockpuppet. I am still trying to figure my way around all this, although I noticed Spike was out just a few ago. I will get it worked out soon enough I suppose, although I only have one reader so there's no hurry